Mullypalooza Rocks, Cheers, Bores, Eventually Annoys

(Vermillion, SD) - South Dakota-born Floridian Molly W. recently brought her own special brand of delightful banter, humor, gaeity, and insight to family and friends in South Dakota's hottest and quaintest southeastern college town. Accompanied at first by her hilariously droll and straight-shooting Nebraska gal-pal Mindy, Wortham was a welcome sight for eyes that had not set upon her since UK Wedding-a-Ganza 2005.

Charmed at first by Wortham's witty and observational bon mot's regarding gnats and chill, Wortham's loved ones, assured the endearingly cranky witticisms would fade as soon as Wortham acclimated to the climatic environment she herself had lived in for over 30 years, continued to celebrate the very special homecoming of their beloved friend.

Feted with a Mexican lunch, a sushi garden party and a slumber party, special appearances by Claude and Justin, and rollicking rock outs at Carey's Bar (which recently acquired pleather lounge furnishings in anticipation of "Mullypalooza") Wortham appeared to enjoy her time, often sporting giggles and her own charming signature duck laugh.

In spite of Wortham's avid and enthusiastic participation in Vermillion life, however, the critical asides chiding South Dakota's severe welt-inducing insect population and 50 degree-ish weather did not fade with time as was hoped, but rather gathered momentum to such a point as to foresake all other points of conversation.

Numbed at first into boredom and later, total annoyance, Albert Fish, with whom Wortham mostly lodged, said: "Ya knoooow....it's Molly! One would be worried if she wasn't at least a trifle bitchy. But then, as the days dragged into weeks, and her crabby drone overpowered even that of the swarms of humming, biting gnats, I found myself going to my happy place quite frequently. And by happy place I of course mean my bathroom. Or sometimes SpeeDee Mart. The bathroom at SpeeDee Mart, I mean. Anything to escape (and here Fish's voice switched to a bitchy falsetto) 'Oh! Why is it so cold! Oh! Why won't these gnats leave me alone! Oh! Why are you already going to bed, Al, it's only 4:30 in the morning! Oh!'"

Even the initial delight of blood relations turned to beleagurement and eventually intolerance.

"I left victims in the disaster-stricken river basin of the Jim River -- people yearning for food, shelter, dry clothing -- to spend time with my sister whom I love," enjoined Claude Abeln. "Yeah, I bet the citizens of Redfield who lost their homes and their jobs to floods and tornadoes would love to have the luxury of whining about (and here Abeln's voice switched to a bitchy falsetto) 'not being able to find their cute jackets when its just soooo coooold outside, and worrying that their latest bug bite might undo the amazing wrinkle repair provided by pricey cosmeceuticals.'"

Abeln added: "Thank god Justin arrived in time to distract my attention toward titillating tales from the noodle factory."

Worst hit by the unseasonal bitch front was Wortham's younger sister Renee. Having recently built a popular following of writers and artists with her uplifting guidance for the book The Artist's Way, Abeln said her sister's presence at group meetings was a "nice change of pace" at first. But then, Abeln reported, things simply got out of control.

"Okay, so like we talk about being positive about stuff, right? Like, if you can imagine it, you can make it happen, you know?" huffed Abeln. "And, okay, maybe some people might think it's corny, but it, like, works for us and stuff, okay? And so then Molly's at our meeting and she's all like (and here Abeln's voice switched to a bitchy falsetto) 'Blah blah blah blah blah! Oh! Look at me, I manifested Jim Bravo, I manifested Jim Bravo!' And I'm like, yeah, wow, crazy, what are the chances? What are the chances of running into Bravo in Vermillion at Carey's for chrissakes. Like, oh, I don't know, 99 out of 100? And what are the chances that Bravo would have some quirky shit from a Sioux City thrift store that Molly might be interested in? Oh, like 110 in 100 maybe?"

'Oh! I manifested Bravo! Oh!' Abeln continued in a bitchy falsetto. "Oh! You're about to manifest my wedge boot in your ass is what you're manifesting!"

"Molly shoots a few fish in a barrel, and - blammo! - she's mastered the ancient art of channeling positive creative energy and is 'manifesting,'"Abeln added. "Gimme a break."

"I don' know," friend Katy commented. "Tuh listen to her, which'n franky, we all jes' kinna' stopped doin' after 'bout the fift day, you know, you'dda thunk she'd ne'er spent a day on the praaahrie. I mean, I know it's no penninsuhlaahr or tropical pare dise, and we're all real happy she n' Gregg have done real good for themselves down there, him going to Fuji 'n all. But it ain't like she did'n grow up bein' et by gnats and skeeters and eatin' commod cheese and vittles jes like the res' of us. Sheet. An' she wans us'm to go down there and visit her!? Now how we goan 'ford Sundee togs fer that, I aks you?"

Bitch Front Moves Out of South Dakota

Vermillion residents breathed a sigh of sweet relief as a fierce bitch front moved out of their now quiet again town. They had been plagued for days by the front, which left most extremely fatigued. "I'm just so happy to be able to walk down the street and not have to hear about how cold it is, or how bad the bugs are, or have all the dead birds pointed out to me." Said one clearly relieved resident. Another local pointed out the front moved on the same time as Mullypalooza rolled out of town. The same day a bitch front warning was issued for Lakeland, Florida.

I'm in Fiji Bitches!

Well, not anymore, I lost my account password-so the true joy of telling you at the time is gone. Additionally I guess Denise figured it out before hand too. Oh yeah, Mully seems to have told Claude, and possibly Rene...well.

I'm Home now bitches!

!

The first image is the Google Earth satellite image of the beach where I stayed. I kayaked the coastline in that area and went snorkeling. There were tons of cool fish there (including clown fish-of Finding Nemo fame), iridescent blue starfish and many other colorful fish and reefs, urchins, sea snails and a school of flying fish!
The Second is from a ginormously bumpy road in Fiji. The driver was a true madman.

The third image is the view from the beach looking East. & #4

Ah, my home away from home-Gauguin never had it this good! Wicked rum and cokes + surly gin and tonics for everyone to wash away the taste of Kava. (I didn't have any though, I was too busy breaking a fever)

I did think of all of you while I was there, even as the room was spinning in a fever induced hallucination, I though..."Man I bet they are really having fun in South Dakota right now."

The Fijians were really nice people, I loved watching them fish, hear them sing, and watched them climb up coconut palm trees to get coconuts. Everybody seemed to be carrying a big machete so I felt a little left out though.

The geography there is amazing, huge hills rise from the lagoon. All of the hills reminded me of the un-excavated temples in Guatemala. The lagoon is protected by the sea wall/barrier reef (the white outline on the Google image) so the waters in the lagoon are pretty clear and calm. Perfect for the kayak and swimming.

More to post when I get the rest of my pictures from a friends computer. Ciao bitches!

Awesome II

See: Dog Breeders Issue Massive Recall Of '07 Pugs over at the Onion.

There's No Place Like Home

So here I sit, or rather stand. Frantically clicking my heels together...
Yet I guess when one is already in Kansas, one can't teleport. Is that the rule? Does someone know?
If I click my heels together can I bring people to Kansas? Is that possible? Can someone tell me? Who do I ask? The wizard? Where the hell does one find the wizard?

Oh the lowly state I'm in... I was excited, now I'm contemplating if buying these shoes in hopes of teleporting was a huge mistake. Buyer's remorse might be setting in because my hopes were just too high. Then again, maybe they're better as a street-corner, money maker...

¡Viva Musky y el Pheas!

Here at VPL we celebrate ethnic diversity . . .

In case peeps haven't been visiting the VPL website for updates . . . here's Musky and the Pheas's new outfits!

http://vpl.sdln.net/meet_muskrat_and_pheasant.htm

Awesome!

Link via Say No to Crack

I love you Sunbutter

Meet my new favorite food, Sunbutter. Some may wonder how someone born and raised in South Dakota can love a North Dakota product so much. My love may seem ill-fated, but ever since I discovered Sunbutter, my love for it grows everyday.

Lilacs Are Blooming in Denver

Any of you familiar with the song "Tulips are Blooming in Michigan" should use that tune to sing the title, whether to customers or anyone else who happens to be near enough to be annoyed.

I know about the lilacs in Denver, because I am now employed and spent the first week of work in a 40 hour safety training in that fair city.

I Annoyed Everyone Today

Sometimes at work I like to listen to the seventies station. Today I was compelled to sing along with every song that came on. I know them all, they are all the hits I heard again and again on America's top 40 when i was a wee one, first developing my little musical tastebuds. I even sang in between sentences as I was checking people out. It would be kinda like this "Like a rhinestone cowboy, that willl be $8.56 , in a star-spangled rodeo, thank you ma'am, please come again, getting cards and letters from people I don't even know" Of course my singing voice is not the most melodic, and I sort of sang the songs just loud enough so a person really not really ignore the sound. I sort of felt bad about it, but there was really nothing I could do. Besides it was probably my turn to annoy the customers.

Wish you all could have been there...

Recently, as we were driving on the highways and byways of lovely Polk County FL, we were following a truck. It's rear window was painted with the slogan "Gimmee That Honky-Tonk Badonk-Adonk!" Greg seriously asks me "What is a badonk-adonk?" It fell to me to explain the term to Gregory, I struggled to illustrate it without bringing my own semi-legendary ass into the discussion, but in the end, it was unavoidable. It was not that bad, maybe after all these years I am finally getting comfortable with the junk in my trunk....