Precious Moments, or a Beginner's Guide to Speaking Trailergentsia

Last night Renee, Al, Jefe, Jon, and I were at a fire party, and one of our Verm friends was aksing how long Renee and I had known each other. Nee and I always freak a bit when we have to admit it's been almost 20 years. We met in Vermillion in 1989, when she was a rising star in the theatre department and I was a hapless Spanish/theatre/psych major before I fled to the bright lights/big city of the Minneapple. That was also the year I met Mully, Jefe, Al, and Gregg.

Sometimes, when I think of certain Trailergentsia/HIA stories, I must laugh aloud. The other day whilst driving (my students always write "whilst" -- wot up wid dat?) I was for whatever reason recalling the night before Eldora's (Mama Abeln) funeral, when Renee and I were sharing a full bed and I had tried molesting her in my sleep. In the morning, with the covers pulled up to her little nose, big eyes peeping out, Renee said, "Um, Katy? Um....last night you tried to have your way with me."

I recoiled in horror at my own behavior. Clearly my oversexed psyche was trying to take advantage of Renee's vulnerable state. Poor Renee, thinking she would find comfort and succor from her trusted friend, was instead shamed and violated by my nocturnal lasciviousness. But then, I realized, God, would it have killed her to put out a little? I mean, I was stressed and worried too. But that's Nee, always thinking of herself.

T'other day Mike and I were driving in central residential Vermillion when we passed a house that I realized was the original site of the "bepaned portals." Shore 'nuff, I looked at the interesting windowstry on the abode, and there they were, in all their be-glassed, see-through-ishness glory. I told Mike I thought maybe it was a sign that the Trailergentsia/members of the HIA may need to start recording our history for the ages.

Another thing that made me giggle aloud as I was driving on Cherry Street last night was the time a whole gaggle of us were chowing at Cherry Street Grille in the late '90s. Mully and Gregg had recently taken a trip to Belize, and were chatting about their adventures. Gregg was puzzling aloud over one of the features of this tropical community, and Mully attempted to sate his curiousity by saying, "Welll, Gregory, you know how it is on the penninsulahhr..." She sounded like a freaking Kennedy, I shit you negative. And now she and Gregg live in a tropical paradise, and she's in upper management and Europeans have discovered Gregg's art, and well, little did we know Mully was portending of the future.

Random iTunes-Inspired Thoughts: You Know, Ace Frehely's Kinda Got a Set of Sexy Pipes on Him

You know, I've always rocked out pretty hard to the song "New York Groove" by Knights In Satan's Service frontman Ace Frehely. (It was an awesome song to rollerskate and bike to when I was 9-ish) I've always stood by it. And the other night, while listening to his devil-worshipping musical stylings, I thought to myself, "Hmmm. You know, Ace's voice is not entirely bad. It's almost kind of sexy, especially with that effect on it."

Which Famous Pinup Are You?

Katy is Brigitte Bardot

Naurally sensual and beautiful You're an exotic beauty who turns heads everywhere You've got a look that's one of a kind

What Famous Pinup Are You?

Yeah. That JUST Happened.

Monkey-sex vagina dialogues, semi-celebrity poetry slams, slavishly fashionable Taxidermied-Americans. God, I hate to lord Vermillion's increasingly intimidating superiority over towns where other people vainly attempt to assemble meangingful lives, but Jesus. I think this speaks for itself. In terms of cultural cache, can you afford not to live here?

Museum Gets Only Known Cittern
(Vermillion, SD) - National Music Museum Director Andre Larson rarely buys an instrument for the museum's collection, but when a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity arises he does not hold back. One of those rare purchases occurred at the beginning of the month when Larson bought the only known English cittern over the phone during an auction held by Christie's, a major auction house in New York.

(above) In a rare moment, rare Director of rare National Music Museum Andre Larson lovingly fondles his rare instrument.

Read full rare story....

'Artist's Way' Group Meets, Discusses Vaginas and Monkey Sex

Julia Cameron (author of 'The Artist's Way') would be thrilled to know that her book has inspired local creative types to not only form their own support network, but also not limit their discussions strictly to 'art'.

After finishing their discussion on this weeks excercises, the group moved on to discuss gender roles and relationships, body imagine, hetrosexual porn, plastic-y poo, prolapsed anuses, vaginas and monkey sex.

"The crucial moment when we all had this intense epiphany, was when Krista was able to merge two separate streams of consciousness by bringing up the 'pussy-faced monkey' from National Geographic . . . we were all, like . . . wow. . . . you know. Brilliant. Simply brilliant. I think she going to be branching out doing monkey-faced vaginas. Just turning that shit on it's HEAD!" said, participant R. Abeln.

"I think this is gonna be the best "Artist's Way group ever!!"

ATT: Vermillion. New West River Connection

Since you're such a happening group there in Vermillion, I'm sure you'll all be attending the poetry reading Friday night at the Coffee Shop Gallery. Say "Hi" to Donna Parks. She's the winner of this year's High Plains Writer's Poetry Contest. Her winning poem is going to be in the lit journal USD publishes. Tell her you're my friend and that you know the illusive Jason. I'm never sure if people believe me when I tell them I have friends.

Also I miss Jason's super-cute dog, Penny.

It seems very unfair that Jason does not share her cuteness with the HIA readership more often.

just a little something i like to remind myself of on a sunday morning

I miss our cranky librarian....

Ikebana, by World Famous Ikebana Designers(for Denise)

World Famous Ikebana Designers do not have to follow all of the ikebana rules.

Good Lord, not Another One

http://www.tbo.com/news/money/MGBS7N2J80F.html

Soon you won't be able to throw a rock in this state without hitting a damn IKEA store....

You All Ready For This?

I really hate to put you into cute overload so early in the week, but i had to share these. Part of my job is to make centerpieces for our board dinners, I usually try to incorporate things from the thrift shop, we were fortunate enough to get some donations of vintage knick-knacks recently. So this is what happened.....My work here is done.

Renee and Katy Really F-ing Rock

Hey kids -- Just saying hello and hoping you are all well. Spring done sprung today and we have some gore-gee-us weather going on.

Renee, I, and Lee, Lindy, Annie, Marcia, and Laura -- our lovely Vermtown English Dept. cohorts, recently attended a live musical performance by "Poison Stream" -- the band made up of USD English professors -- and they provided us with much music for to rock. They rocked with a few originals as well as covers ranging from Cracker, the Cure, and Johnny Cash, to T. Rex, Janis Joplin, and the Beatles.

They have a FOG machine, people. That's how much they rock.

And while Poison Stream did rock, I cannot say that they rocked harder than Renee and me. We REALLY presented our rock. Our rock was somewhat untouchable. We kept rocking after the band stopped playing, people. Such is the potency of our rock.

I hope that when certain Floridians come to visit, they will have the opportunity to rock with us. But be warned -- our rock can be a little intimidating. We just really, really f-ing rock.

A leisurely ride down by the swamp....

This evening we took a bike ride to our local swamp where we saw some lovely sights.....(on the water shots, think of every long black shape as a live gator, cause that is what they are, we counted about 80) When are you all coming to visit?

Bandit "Bad Ass" Enforces Dog-free Zone (provided dog is no larger than himself) by Amy Abeln

Hermosa, SD- Abeln arrives home from work. Bandit Big Ears comes up to greet her. He follows her to the door when along comes a little Manchester Terrier into the yard. Bandit Big Ears sees said dog and immediately decides to confront dog. Fur stands on back and tail as he chases dog on his tiptoes. Because he has sized up said dog and has figured out that dog is the same size as he is and he has chance of beating him. Bandit chaces dog out of the yard and dog runs away in fright. Bandit comes strutting back in triumph and figures that he is a bad ass now. He looked for the dog the rest of the day.

An HIA Exclusive

Before the next issue of Architectural Digest hits the newstands, we thought we would give HIA readers a sneak-peak at the wonder that is our completed bathroom. Coming up next(especially for Sassmaster) Sinkscapes! (apologies for the sideways shots, but i was just too tired to rotate them, but you all have laptops anyways so just turn them)

Happy Easter Everybody

Stay tuned for more cool photos coming later today.

A Fresh Idea

I think that a cool way to promote literacy amongst the American public would be for automobile manufacturers to start naming cars after punctuation and grammar terms. Can you imagine the "All New 2008 Metaphor" (probably a SUV) or how about the "utilitarian, yet sporty Comma." Or the affordable, yet luxurious sedan, the Simile" A word of caution however to the manufacturers, don't use period, that would be dumb, no one would buy a car named the Period.

shining example of human potential...REALISED!

Item! Local area intrepid reporter scoops librarian. Please note this exclusive photo of Musky and the Pheas bedressed in their Easter finery. As of this reporter's posting, the library's website still would have you believe that they were celebrating St. Patrick's day....so last month.

Clutter-Nut Seeks Help from Friends

Rapid City, SD-Trapped between an overwhelming desire to unclutter her life and a pathological inability to throw anything away, woman turns to friends for help.

Inspired by an "art happening" of an earlier decade, Denise Hardesty has begun putting her unwanted items into envelopes addressed to friends with the intention of mailing them.

"Granted it's more of a 'junk happening' and I'm not mailing to total strangers, but to people who know and love me, or at least talked to me in a coffee shop. After all if strangers call the cops because they receive really cool handmade original postcards from an unknown source, imagine what they'd do if they got an envelope full of broken jewellery or loose nuts and bolts? Not to mention all those used earplugs. No, I think I'm better off calling on the help of friends."

Librarian Hopes to Distract People From Lack of Posting with YouTube Clip

Hey kids! Have you seen this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khS4zlinxk0&mode=related&search=

Ninjas! I LOVE those guys!

Library Staff Member Comes Up with Myriad Excuses in Article and Flurry of Comment Posting

Normally I just let these things run their course. As a fellow librarian in Rapid City will tell you, we are a reserved people who don't go in for grand-standing and displays of attention-seeking behavior. But when libraries and their employees are improperly maligned, it's just gone too far. I decided I have to step in and make some badly needed adjustments.

I haven't been holding out on any storylines and/or pics concerning a much-mentioned Muskrat and Pheasant. I think I told everyone where they could see pictures of the two shining examples of taxidermy and fashion potential when I was first gainfully employed at this institution, ie the Vermillion Public Library website, ie here: http://vpl.sdln.net/meet_muskrat_and_pheasant.htm

And for historical accuracy, it is spelled Musky and the Pheas. And yes it is true that it issung to Chico and the Man, not Benny and the Jets, as some people insist on doing.

Also, as Mully can attest, I had some technical 'problem's with posting that 'mysteriously happened' shortly after my return from Florida. Somehow my account invitation 'expired' and I wasn't able to post anything. I only very recently regained this ability . . Interesting that this should happen shortly before I was able to reveal all about my time in the land of sock-free living . . . Mully insists it had nothing to do with her. And, honestly, what had she to gain by it . . . So . . . who would benefit the most by silencing me . . . .? The evidence remains unclear.

As far as our musical projects - honestly, as the artist I can't be expected to also promote. Surely that' our cataloger's/manager's role.

Also, I have been maintaining a high-profile on my MySpace page (here if it is for proof: http://www.myspace.com/suspiciouslypleased), which takes up a LOT of my time. It's time-consuming constantly reassuring Depeche Mode, and Jarvis Cocker and the Furureheads and Editors and Franz Ferdinand and Derren Brown that I really am their friend, above and beyond MySpace. Creative people are so sensitive.

And those are my reasons.

Introducing Benjamin

Mr. Benjamin Wolfgang Batterham was born Monday 26 March, 7lbs - and 2 1/2 weeks early . That's his dad, Jon, holding him. Some of you may remember his mother, Danielle Franke, who grew up here in Rapid City. When I first moved to town she was one of Blaise Martin's roommates. She then went on to Africa (I can't remember where), Japan and back to Rapid. She now appears to have settled in London. Congratulations to Dani and Jon, and a hearty welcome to young Ben.

Worry Not: You Are Always Real Good Looking in This Rural Mecca

That's another one of Vermillion's best-kept secrets -- with its flattering prairie lighting, you are always guaranteed to be real good looking!

You also attain the voice of an angel (Stop Dragging Our Hearts Around, Renee!), the IQ of a savant (dig Jefe's off-the-charts GRE score!), underwear model hair (guilty!) and a flair for limerick writing (Go Yotes!).

If that's not enough, you get to sup at Market Street Cafe's all-you-can-eat fish n' ribs buffet, where you can hang with sweet-natured monks who lovingly call you a "dirty, sinning whore," and who then dissolve into adorable giggles. Not enough, you say? How about screening Blades of Glory and crying tears of joy with many of your best friends as you hear the first strains of "Flash! Aaahh-aaaaah!"

Out shall come your inner Joan Cusack, as you stroll through new-to-you boutiques bedecked with cute orange bunnies and public libraries brimming with local fashion-forward varmints and game.

Have you made your Cindo de Mayo plans yet? Good luck finding authentic Mexican celebrations in Florida or St. Paul, let alone Rapid City! Meanwhile, tongues here are awag about Muskie and The Fez's upcoming fiestaware!

Vermillion -- it's not just a hub for people wondering what to do with their lives anymore!