According to reliable sources in Siouxland, a Vermillion librarian has spent the last two days watching 3 Matrix movies and 2 Resident Evil movies and Constantine while knitting afghans.
When asked for comment, she reportedly said "Look. I'm a few steps ahead of the rest of you. I can see the future, man. You can believe what you like. All I know is, when climate change hits, and when the Matrix begomes apparent, and when the T-virus hits our streets and the demons began to cross over into our realm due to the assistance of a vengeful angel . . . then who'll look crazy for knitting all the afghans and scarves?? Yeah. That's right. All of you are gonna be all 'Oh, I wish I had a scarf, I wish I thought to make knitted throw to protect me from machines with AI and the Nemesis project and Mammon, the son of Satan . . . .' . . and I'll be all like, 'Too bad, suckas!! I only got enough knitted goods for me!! And Keanu. Beat it, losers!! . . . yeah, I'll be right with ya, Keanu.... do you need another afghan?' "
Sources close to the Librarian indicate she has been eating a lot of procressed chees lately, which may account for her warped state of mind. Authorities are monitoring the situation and a knitting intervention is planned. Local video rental agencies have be advised not to let her rent any movie with apocalyptic content or starring Keanu Reeves.
Keanu Reeves' agents have been alerted as a security precaution.
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4 comments:
Nice. I picture you knitting faster and faster, glancing nervously at the TV and jumping when someone knocks at the door.
Having been the fortunate recipient of the fruits of this crazed librarian's manic needle-clicking, I urge her to go rent Independence Day, 1984, The Day After, and other such films, buy WalMart out of yarn, lock her doors from the inside, and keep preparing for the end...Nee, I'll let you know when its okay to come out....'kay? And I hear brown is the new pink that used to be the new black....
Processed cheese takes another poor soul. If it can happen to a librarian-it can hapent to anyone-even with their secret dewey decimal powers...It does seem to be a good way to whittle away the hours till the Rapture-Least you will hav a nice shaw when you go to meet the maker-might want to make one for Him too (might help in your favor).
do crazed librarians ever make knitted flip-flops?
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