Severe Sassing Prompts Tiny Firearm Purchase

In these uncertain times, sometimes you just have to take steps to protect yourself. Hey lil' starbucks dude, I'll be your huckleberry.

Site of Severe Starbucks Sassing Pinpointed

Government officials have recently released the details of the actual site of the recent Starbucks sassing that took place in Sarasota, FL on the afternoon of July 8th, 2007.

“The information we have on the situation identifies the site as shown on the accompanying picture. As you can see, this would seem to indicate a drive-by sassing - a disturbing trend that we have noticed has become increasingly prevalent in built-up, humid areas of the country. It may be related to so-called ‘sock-free’ lifestyle that so many of our young people are embracing,” one government official revealed.

With trembling voice, he continued, “We are becoming more concerned by this trend and the severity of the sassing in this incident would put this at Sass-Con 2. We are advising less-sassy individuals to stay indoors and only travel if it is absolutely necessary. Although we had high hopes during Memorial Day holiday this year that this sort of urban bee-stinging/butterfly-floating had abated, it is now clear that the Sass-Com Level 5 we experienced then was a mere blip.”

“While we have no ‘official profiling’, we are interested in speaking to individuals who are seeking to graduate from high school or who work in thrift stores. If you know just such a ’sassy’ individual who has recently indulged in caffeine, please do not approach or confront them and risk incurring their sass. Simply contact your nearest law enforcement official.”

Photo: Al Fish

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Hospitalized Brick could not be reached for comment.