Poll Proves South Dakotans Ignorant

Rapid City, SD. Polls indicate a shocking ignorance among South Dakotans of the Dolly Parton song "Jolene." 100% of the five people surveyed said they had no knowedge of the song. While claiming to recognize the name Dolly Parton, not one of the individuals could name any song written by the Country star.

Pollster Denise Hardesty, clearly shaken, describes her reaction to the poll: "I was all excited to share my copy of the White Stripe's rendition of "Jolene" when it dawned on me that my friends had no idea what I was talking about. I mean, I've lived here over ten years and nothing has made me feel like I'm on another planet quite like this."

She Went There

...and you best check it out over here.

Vermillion Folk Singer Adds "Totally Relevant" Song to Repertoire

Renee Roxanne Abeln has recently increased her current song list, moving into double digits. The key song that's taken her to the next level? "The Unicorn" by the Irish Rovers.

"Sure, people laugh when I tell them I've expanded my remit to include songs about mythical creatures but it's, like, totally relevant to this day and age. Just listen to this: . . .

'And Noah looked out through the driving rain
Them unicorns were hiding, playing silly games
Kicking and splashing while the rain was falling
Oh, them silly unicorns . . .'

I mean, c'mon. We've ALL been there. Why can't we just admit it? Young people are crying out for a song with a message like this that they can identify with. Also, I've pretty much nailed 'Puff the Magic Dragon' . . . It's been a prolific month for me."

Asked if she has any songs planned for the future, Abeln responded. "You know, I like to keep edgy. Current. So I'm going to be focusing on pieces that have been neglected by history, like "Running Bear", "Call of the Wild Goose" or "North to Alaska" . . . you know. Stuff that the kids nowadays really 'dig'. Because it's 'happening' and 'groovy'. Man. And yes, I am considering a re-working of 'Purple People Eater'. "

Her accompanyist, Jefe Engeman, could not be reached for comment.

For the full lyrics of "The Unicorn, click here.

Breaking News!

Due to R. Abeln's withdrawl of herself as judge for any upcoming Ass-Off
competitions, the call has been put out for a new celebrity judge.
Sir Mix A Lot has expressed a certain interest, and negotiations are ongoing.