Mullypalooza Announces Plans to Skip Midwest for 08 Tour

Citing a lackluster appreciation of her message, scheduling conflicts, and environmental concerns, Mullypalooza publicists made clear that she would not be visiting the midwest in 2008. Mullypalooza will instead be hooking up with Bono on an IKEA-sponsored tour, bringing the inspiration of Scandinavian design to inner-city youth and unwed mothers.

Good Lord, not Another One

http://www.tbo.com/news/money/MGBS7N2J80F.html

Soon you won't be able to throw a rock in this state without hitting a damn IKEA store....

Local Woman Has No Plans to Visit IKEA This Fall

Upon hearing the news that there would be 2 IKEAS opening in Florida this fall, Lakeland resident Molly Wortham announced she has no plans to go there even though there will be one that is only 45 minutes away from her front door. "I am afraid that even though we have a pickup truck, I just can't be bothered to go that far for chic,well designed, and inexpensive home goods. "

Vermillion Residents Bogarting Good Blog Material

A weekend trip to Vermillion, S.D., revealed that HIA contributors residing there were keeping excellent blog stories to themselves. The reason for this secrecy was not disclosed.

Information not being shared by the trailergentsia includes:

* A song that features lovely harmonies about an overly friendly dog named Dingus.
* Videos of the regular hootenannies taking place in Vermillion, including a performance of "Stop Dragging my Heart Around"
* An third-place honor taken in the local arts council 2006 Chili Blues contest
* A song about IKEA love
* A taxidermied muskrat and pheasant known as "Muskie" and "Fez" who are regularly dressed in seasonal attire but apparently not photographed for HIA News readers
* Very entertaining videos from YouTube that could easily be linked to, if certain people could be bothered to think of others

As it turns out, a cetain biology-major Vermillion-ite had not even been told about the existence of the HIA News blog.

One hopes that the Vermillion trailergentsia will consider the significant entertainment needs of the HIA readership and correct these lapses as soon as possible.