Seedy Underbelly of St. Cloud Proves Elusive, Disappointing

Recent St. Cloud immigrant, Renee Roxanne Abeln, has found that the the gritty side of St. Cloud is not so apparent or prevalent as she assumed it would be. “I mean, c'mon! It's a Minnesota college town!! You figure nefarious activity is going to be rife, right?” Having lived in “Salacious. St Cloud,” as Abeln calls it, for over two weeks, she has yet to find the swinging, drug-addled lifestyle she expected.

“I'm a divorced woman of 39! The only reason I would be moving here is to get down and dirty. Yet, I get here . . . and there's nothing. Oh sure, there's the partying, rampant alcoholism, and casual violence prevalent in most of the Midwest . . . but where's the wife-swappin'? Where's the S&M parties? Where's the gimps?”

When it is suggested to her that it might be her choice of social venues of the library and the local Moose Lodge, she is dismissive. “Phhhhfffttt!! Have you BEEN to your local library recently? Those places are freee-KAY and totally ILL – and I'm not talkin' inter-library loan . . .”

Still, Abeln remains upbeat. “Well, if I can't find it, I'll just have to create it. It won't be the first time.” Her first course of action? Introducing Cross-dressing Night at the Library. “I'm thinking probably Wednesday night – they don't call it hump-day for nuthin'!”

Gluteal Cleft

On the far side of living the life of "quiet desperation" and near the rung of Mountain Odebt lives the rest of the world - a land often of no ideas and no means. The problem today is not that there is a divide or that the divide persists. The problem is cheek one is sinking and cheek two never got clear. The closer we are together, the closer we are to catastrophe - at least in the aural sense. Answers are easy. Solutions are easy. Action is not. That the "global" group is changing isn't helpful, some of them need to stay home and do some reading. The ones that never left are going to be left again on the stained cheek of the world's sphincter. Where did evil start? Where did the concept of liberty become construed for some and not all? When did we stop living in a world where the cult of personality was subjugated into the cult of celebrity? Whatever it was, I am sure Boomers are to blame, but that won't achieve anything. The time is now to leave all that behind and climb back out of the asscrack of the world.